


Prank Wars - In which the Reader and Clint piss off Tony and Thor

by HeartySunny, Supergrass04



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bacon, Breakfast, Invisibility, Iron Man suits - Freeform, Nicknames, Platonic Flirting, Poptarts, Pranks, Sarcasm, Spiderman cameo, Super powered reader, Undercover, cuz u know me, genius reader, kind of, macarena, thor ur too loud
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-23
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2018-10-09 21:09:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10421811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeartySunny/pseuds/HeartySunny, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Supergrass04/pseuds/Supergrass04
Summary: It was a snowy day. It wasn't Christmas quite yet, but the weather had a mind of its own. The gray sky seemed dreary, and the streets were just as busy as ever, if not more. All in all, it seemed like a regular day for the city of New York. However, it was not so in the Avengers Tower. You snuck along the wall, inching toward the corner leading into the living room. Bruce was intently studying a thick leather bound book on the L-shaped couch. Probably an ancient relaxation technique or new scientific theory. Placing a hand over your earpiece, you whispered, "Hey, Birdbrain, how're things up above?""I thought we discussed this. I am the Hawk. Not the Birdbrain."





	1. Shenanigans

**Author's Note:**

> This has been in production for a LOOOOOOOOONG time. I have (maybe) a couple of other chapters in progress. Please forgive my sorry procrastinating self if they come later or not at all.  
> Now a few words from Supergrass04 (my unofficial beta reader and idea generator):  
> I have very critically viewed this, and I consider myself 'cool' (Not really), so this has my forever alone seal of approval. I am not going to be cliche and say go check out my account, cuz I have no works of my own. ;p

It was a snowy day. It wasn't Christmas quite yet, but the weather had a mind of its own. The gray sky seemed dreary, and the streets were just as busy as ever, if not more. All in all, it seemed like a regular day for the city of New York.  
However, it was not so in the Avengers Tower. You snuck along the wall, inching toward the corner leading into the living room. Bruce was intently studying a thick leather bound book on the L-shaped couch. Probably an ancient relaxation technique or new scientific theory. Placing a hand over your earpiece, you whispered, "Hey, Birdbrain, how're things up above?"  
"I thought we discussed this. I am the Hawk. Not the Birdbrain."  
A giggle escaped your lips. He was so easy to rile. "Alright then, you'll be Mr. Birdbrain. The Hawk is too obvious. Where are my targets?"  
A sulking silence stayed in your ears for a moment before Clint responded, "Pikachu is on the prowl and Tin Can is doing some sort of scan through the building for us."  
"Thank goodness I know the override codes for JARVIS." You and Clint were at war with Thor and Tony. In the spirit of fun, Clint had eaten a few of the pop tarts hidden in the kitchen and you may or may not have programmed the Iron Man suits to do the Macarena when activated. Your knowledge of the technological arts was extremely advanced, and even rivaled Tony's skills. In fact, SHIELD had picked you up after you had graduated high school with enough college credits to equal a Phd in computer science.  
After your pranks had backfired on you two, Clint fled to the vent system as a lookout for you, who remained on the main floor. You stayed on the main floor because you were able to protect and hide yourself. Your superpower was invisibility. It came in handy when on stealth missions.  
Soon, crouching on the wall became tiresome. "Is Pikachu in the general vicinity?"  
"Nope," Clint drawled, popping the 'p'. "You're clear to go, Crystal. Get what I did there? 'Clear?'"  
"Yes. Your humor skills are unparalleled, Mr. Birdbrain." You closed my eyes and concentrated. Your body and super suit shimmered before blending into the carpet and wall.  
"Woah. That'll never get old, Crystal." You rolled your eyes, even though nobody could see it. Carefully standing, you snuck down through the living room, past Bruce, to the opening of the kitchen door.  
"HATH THOU SEEN THE LADY OF INVISIBILITY OR THE MAN OF HAWKS, LADY NATASHA?" Well, there goes Mr. Birdbrain's reliability.  
Natasha walked into the kitchen in her pajamas – a tank and fuzzy pants – with Thor trailing behind her. He seemed to be interrogating everyone he saw for your whereabouts, with no success. Surprisingly though, Bruce was still intently reading. Thor’s voice was like a foghorn.  
"Thor. It is too early in the morning for this. How would I know where she is anyway? She's probably invisible. Leave me be–" Her eyes landed on the ruffling pages of the cookbook you just passed.  
Shoot. She knows you're in here. Nat's extensive study of Avengers Tower included the very advertised fact that there were no drafts. Like, at all. You hope she'll hold your cover for the sake of pranksters everywhere.  
She did a once-over of the room before throwing a discrete smile in your direction that only you and Hawkeye would recognize. "Well, big guy. They don't seem to be in here, and I didn't see them on my way here. Why don't you go see if they're on the roof or something. You know how Hawkeye loves high places, don't you?" Her already vibrant red lips drew into a pout, and her fingers ran down the front of his armor.  
Thor's face flushed slightly, before dismissing himself. "I-I must go check the roof now. Thank you for your assistance, Lady Natasha!" He walked quickly to the door, after tripping over his long red cape.  
"No problem, Thor," she called after him, her lips curved in a smile. "Anytime."  
She turned after Thor was down the hallway and into the elevator. "Hmm. I think I'll have some strawberry yogurt with granola... some bacon... and some chocolate chip waffles." Natasha paused between each option, grabbing it from the extensive pantry. Didn't Nat say once that she would never be caught dead eating baco– oh. The sneaky little devil was sending you a low key message. She was grabbing yours and Mr. Birdbrain's favorite breakfasts.  
But where were you to meet? Wasn't everywhere in the tower under surveillance? "I think I'll eat breakfast in bed today..." She muttered this loud enough so that you could hear her. Purposefully.  
A moment passed. Well, duh. How did you forget that the last person in your trio had the only room in the entire Avengers Tower without any cameras? Natasha had seduced Tony into such an odd choice through her feminine finesse. Sadly, you lacked such skills. Nat was trying to give you tips though.  
She started walking toward the stairwell after unplugging and bringing the toaster. You tiptoed after her, careful to step when she stepped to not raise suspicion. Bruce glanced up at Natasha, blushing slightly. Nat winked and carried on. Good job, you thought. Keep everyone distracted, even the bashful Doctor Banner.  
*****  
The elevator may have been high-tech and therefore easy for you to hack, but the all three of you preferred the stairwell – you were less likely to be cornered and trapped. You two traveled up a couple floors before entering your floor. Although Nat's room was safe, you didn't trust Tony enough to shift to your regular form yet. The TV in the common room was blaring news feed. The annoying mustached news reporter from the Daily Bugle was preaching about the 'spider menace' again.  
Nat opened her door and left it open long enough for me to slip in, but not awkwardly enough that people watching would think it was out of the ordinary. She closed the door and promptly turned to plug in the toaster near a vent opening. She popped in two waffles and set it to cook as you became visible again. "So, what did you two do this time?"


	2. Bad Days For Everyone!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet Tony Stark, one billionaire playboy philanthropist who can't put up with anyone anymore.

Tony woke up from his power nap, feeling reenergized and ready to take on the world. What a little sleep could do for the body!   
Until a god of thunder barged in, screaming bloody murder.   
“MAN OF IRON!! MY TARTS OF POP HATH DISAPPEARED! HATH YOU SEEN THEM?”  
Tony sighed. At least he had gotten a few hours of peaceful rest. “Nope, sorry, Thunderpants. Just got up a few seconds ago.”   
Thor looked a bit put out, but recovered quickly, replying, “THANK YOU FOR YOUR HONESTY, FRIEND STARK. IT SHALL MAKE MY LIST OF SUSPECTS SMALLER. I BID THEE A GOOD DAY.”  
Thor marched out, probably going to interrogate the other Avengers.   
Tony put this at the back of his mind, deciding that he would begin installing new software into the 54th Iron Man suit. “Hey, Dum-E! Get your fire extinguisher!” He rolled his eyes at the over-zealous robot careening to the red canister.  
*It’ll give him something to do,* Tony thought.   
“Hey Jarv, drop a beat.”   
Silence.   
“Jarv. This better not be a practical joke again.” Tony winced as he recalled that fatal April Fool’s Day. He had stumbled around like an idiot without JARVIS’s almost-motherly guidance.  
“Should probably check the suits. Maybe he’s functioning there…” Tony muttered, going over to the display of Iron Men.  
“What’s that noise?” Tony muttered. He listened hard, with growing horror.   
“dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria why cosa buena dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena, HEY MACARENA!”  
Tony stepped into the display room, only to be met with every single one of his suits on the floor, shaking their hips and throwing their arms in front of them, speakers blaring the god forsaken 90s hit single.  
Tony lunged forward, “OH MY GOD, MY BABIES, WHY WOULD YOU TORTURE ME THIS WAY?!? ACDC IS THE ONLY TRUE MUSIC FOR US. WHO WOULD EVEN—...Crystal.”


	3. Caught!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Join our fellow assassins as they enjoy their temporary leisure time.

"…and Clint over here went into the vents like a coward," you finished, jerking your thumb behind you.   
Said man looked up with a mouthful of waffle. He was crouching by the toaster. "Buh I didnt dwesrt youh! It mwas ah tactical retweat!"   
Natasha looked up at the ceiling, as if hoping for some deity to save her from Clint’s immaturity. "Swallow, Mr. Birdbrain."   
Clint gulped. "I said that I did not 'run away,' I made a tactical retreat. Get your facts straight, Crystal. Those waffles are really good by the way, Natasha."   
"I'm glad," Nat replied, stirring the granola into her yogurt. You grabbed your third helping of bacon and all three of you lapsed into silence.   
***  
"Dang you, Natasha! Why are you so good at Mario Kart?!?" Clint threw his controller onto the carpet.  
"I'm just the best," she responded, sitting atop the bed. "And besides, Rosalina is my good luck charm. She's the most independent woman in the entire Mario universe."   
You rolled your eyes. "Alright then, rematch on Rainbow Road. I get Rosalina, you can get Toadette, and Clint, you get Waluigi."   
"Why, cause he's got purple clothes like my old supersuit?"   
"No, cause he and you remind me of professional thieves."   
"Hey! I thought we were allies against the Red Menace!"   
"Excuse me, Mr. Birdbrain?" Natasha raised her eyebrows.   
"I thought I told you to stop calling me that!"   
All of a sudden, alarms blared in the room. Bright red lights flashed into your eyes. The rerun of the previous Kart Race fizzled out, and its music became choppy. Steel doors rose from the floor of the door frame, sealing that exit. Essentially trapping you, Black Widow, and Hawkeye inside.   
"What the HECK just happened?" You spat out. Asking JARVIS was not an option. You knew that you made him inaccessible through the entirety of the Tower to make sure Tony couldn't find you. But clearly he had found another way to locate you.   
Clint had scurried over to the vent opening. After a few yanks and pulls at the cover, he gave up. "We're trapped."  
The intercom crackled to life. "HAHA, LOSERS! I wish I could have seen your faces!"   
"Tony," Natasha growled. "Let us out of here or so help me–"   
"Well it's not like you were going to leave anytime soon," Tony retorted. "In fact, it sounded like you were all cozy playing games." You could hear his smirk over the radio feed.   
Clint piped up, "How did you even find us, Tin Can?"   
"First off, it's Mr. Tin Can to you. And second, you guys forget my older toys. Back in my MIT years, when I was still a genius, I manufactured a rather functional heat detector, disconnected from my current computer system. I dug it out from storage and found you guys with it. Everyone else was pretty open about their location, too."   
"AND NOW THE TIME HATH COME FOR BROTHER BARTON TO RETURN MY TARTS OF POP." Thor chimed in.  
Clint sheepishly rubbed the back of his head. "Ummm, yeah, Thor, I may have eaten those Poptarts I stole..."   
"WHAT? WHAT DID HE SAY?!" The transmissions went silent for a bit. Thor's voice fizzled back into the room. "HOW DARE HE!" Thumps echoed through the room, presumably from Thor beating the control board in frustration. Crackles and sparking sounds followed soon after.  
Tony's voice cried out, "Noooo! Thor, that was the remote for the locking mechanism!"   
"What's going on here?" Bruce's voice joined the chaotic dialogue.   
"I do believe that Sparky and Pretty Boy there have us trapped in Nat's room," you called to the ceiling. Based on Tony's statement, you assumed the primitive tech had backfired and malfunctioned.   
"What? Why? Who's in there?"   
"Because Tony’s ego was knocked down a couple sizes, me, Clint, and Nat are stuck in here."   
Nat crossed her arms and said, "Tony, you have made me the victim here, and that is not something you want to do."   
"I am sorry, Man of Iron," Thor apologized.   
"Well that's not going to change the fact that they're all stuck in there," Bruce said.   
"Wait, Birdbrain is stuck in there with the babes? Why him?" Tony whined.   
You and Natasha responded simultaneously, "Cause he's not an egotistical jerk like you!"   
“I am not!” Tony pouted defensively.   
“Fine then. You’re an idiot because you have officially ticked off the best assassin in this tower aside from Bucky, your best marksman, and the only person in this tower who can bug your tech!”   
Tony’s voice died out.   
“Alright then,” Bruce’s calm voice said. “Let’s think rationally. This tech is surprisingly hardy, considering a god just pummeled it. I should be able to repair it in three hours or so. I’ll leave you three to your own devices until then. Enjoy your time away from this dysfunctional family.” The feed cut off.  
You turned to Natasha. “You made a good choice with Doctor Banner, girl! Sweet and smart. How many men fit that description?”  
“Not many,” she admitted with her best poker face. Her cheeks were flushed.   
You internally shrugged. That’s probably the most reaction we’re going to get out of her anyways.


End file.
